Shinnfans,
Our car recently got his first California plates. Here’s an open letter of congratulations to her. Feel free to comment with advice, warnings, or welcome letters from your vehicles.
Plastic-Car,
Congratulations on your new accessories. You should realize that these accessories come with a whole new level of responsibility. You now have obligations to California herself to play cool music, look cool while you ride around town, and generally be cool (especially when it’s hot outside!). This should all be in an effort to honor your newly adopted state of residence, who has mainly coolness going for her. Also, if you carry around that hot blonde in our family well, that’ll be considered coolness, too. Keep up the good work, and don’t forget the feel of my butt in the driver’s seat.
Congratulations,
Andrew
If I didn’t know better I’d think the sea is getting to you … however, I loved your open letter to the car. I would add one additional line “don’t forget your MA roots”
Wait, Amanda, I think that car is an Oregonian…
Andrew, is your car a hermaphrodite? Check your pronoun usage.
Here is my reply:
Dear Plastic Car,
I too, once had a plastic car. Chris Lott kicked it with steel-toed boots and it did not react. I gave it up for adoption (the car, not Chris Lott).
Then I had a really hot Mercedes convertible. I sold that so I could move to England and walk everywhere with an umbrella. Why?
Now I will return to my long-lost love: a 1991 Plymouth Voyager minivan with a rusted-through roof (so, it’s almost a convertible). Capri Suns and graham crackers regularly served on the way to soccer practice. I cannot come visit you, little plastic car, because my minivan does not go that far. Please come visit me. I’ll tell you where I am when I find out.
Welcome to California. I wish I were there to welcome you properly.
Love,
Auntie Rachel
Rach,
Yeah, I saw the pronoun thing, too. I decided not to change it because I’m unsure of PC’s gender. So I thought I’d leave it ambiguous.
Thanks for the letter,
Andrew (On PC’s behalf)