It’s hot

I walked outside today, and my skin all burned off.  That was my first clue that it’s too hot for normal human beings to live here.  I ran back inside.  While I was washing my crusty burnt skin off in the kitchen sink, Lisa was sitting in the living room watching television.  I overhead the weather guy say that the temperature outside wouldn’t dip below 100 degrees (fahrenheit) for the next 20 straight days.  That’s when I started beliving in Global Warming.  Then Al Gore showed up at my door step (How did he know so quickly when I started believing in Global Warming?!  Damn NSA!) and my day started getting wierd.  He was wearing an obnoxiously loud Hawaiian shirt and some of that neon green sunblock stuff on his nose.  Boy, were his legs white!  He had pet penguins toddling along after him.  3 of them.  He wanted me to come with him, but wouldn’t say where.  He stretched out his hands, and in one hand there was a blue pill, while the other held a red pill.  But it wasn’t a pill, it was an Easter egg.  And the pills didn’t have anything to do with where he wanted me to go.  He just said that the blue one was Nyquil (he had a cold) and the Easter Egg was a present.  Al doesn’t like to show up at people’s houses empty-handed.

So he asked me again if I’d go with him.  The front door was still open, and I peeked around it to see the world outside.  All of a sudden……..SPLAT!  An egg fell out of the sky and landed on the walkway in front of my house.  It cooked right away (like your brain on drugs), and I knew it was too hot to go outside.  Not even if Al covered me with his water-gun.  I was still smarting from losing all of my skin, and who knows what Al Gore keeps in his water gun!  Or how clean it is.

He pleaded with me, and said I could use his snorkel.  That’s when I got really suspicious.  I couldn’t see any snorkel, and I don’t know if people without skin can legally use snorkels, anyway.  I began to think that it was all a setup.  That’s when Lisa shook me, and I said, “Ouch!” because it should hurt if someone shakes you and you don’t have any shoulder-skin.  But it didn’t hurt, and I wondered why.  I was still wondering when I opened my eyes.  “Honey…. Andrew…,” she said.  “We’d better get up.  I heard it’s going to be hot today.”  I just groaned and roilled back to my pillow.  Not again!