Category: humor

Friday Fun – A game that appeals to Shinnfans

Shinnfans: Here’s an awesome little game i stumbled across on the web this morning. Check out www.lot23.com/play/groupthink. It’s a game called Groupthink, in which community members add words to collaboratively form sentences. It’s kind of like standing around a refrigerator with a bunch of friends and adding those little words from a magnetic poetry set. It’s easy, free, and fun. Log on and check it out!
Happy Friday,
Andrew

Now I’ve seen it all.

I thought I had seen some of the wierder intersections of life and internet. Things like dotcomguy back in 2000, and more recently the one red paperclip guy. That was before today, when I found whatwouldjesusdownload.com and Christianubuntu.com. Tired of the borderline-porn ads on Myspace? If you go to whatwouldjesusdownload.com, you can instead be encouraged to check out Christian dating sites and buy Michael W. Smith albums. Try the prayer forum, or buy some Christian Geek apparel.

Okay, that’s it. Now you can’t surprise me with anything! (Actually, the Christian Ubuntu operating system does sound pretty cool. I wonder if it comes in server editions?)

Also, if anyone actually reads this and is looking for ideas for birthday presents, I’d love to have a Christianubuntu.com baseball jersey (cool) or a shroud baseball Jersey (even cooler).

It’s hot

I walked outside today, and my skin all burned off.  That was my first clue that it’s too hot for normal human beings to live here.  I ran back inside.  While I was washing my crusty burnt skin off in the kitchen sink, Lisa was sitting in the living room watching television.  I overhead the weather guy say that the temperature outside wouldn’t dip below 100 degrees (fahrenheit) for the next 20 straight days.  That’s when I started beliving in Global Warming.  Then Al Gore showed up at my door step (How did he know so quickly when I started believing in Global Warming?!  Damn NSA!) and my day started getting wierd.  He was wearing an obnoxiously loud Hawaiian shirt and some of that neon green sunblock stuff on his nose.  Boy, were his legs white!  He had pet penguins toddling along after him.  3 of them.  He wanted me to come with him, but wouldn’t say where.  He stretched out his hands, and in one hand there was a blue pill, while the other held a red pill.  But it wasn’t a pill, it was an Easter egg.  And the pills didn’t have anything to do with where he wanted me to go.  He just said that the blue one was Nyquil (he had a cold) and the Easter Egg was a present.  Al doesn’t like to show up at people’s houses empty-handed.

So he asked me again if I’d go with him.  The front door was still open, and I peeked around it to see the world outside.  All of a sudden……..SPLAT!  An egg fell out of the sky and landed on the walkway in front of my house.  It cooked right away (like your brain on drugs), and I knew it was too hot to go outside.  Not even if Al covered me with his water-gun.  I was still smarting from losing all of my skin, and who knows what Al Gore keeps in his water gun!  Or how clean it is.

He pleaded with me, and said I could use his snorkel.  That’s when I got really suspicious.  I couldn’t see any snorkel, and I don’t know if people without skin can legally use snorkels, anyway.  I began to think that it was all a setup.  That’s when Lisa shook me, and I said, “Ouch!” because it should hurt if someone shakes you and you don’t have any shoulder-skin.  But it didn’t hurt, and I wondered why.  I was still wondering when I opened my eyes.  “Honey…. Andrew…,” she said.  “We’d better get up.  I heard it’s going to be hot today.”  I just groaned and roilled back to my pillow.  Not again!

What it’s like to live with a pregnant woman

This is a down-and-clean guide for those who may find themselves in a similar situation.  I make no representations about the universality of the experience; it’s just what one guy’s going through with his woman.

  1. Stock up on Cheetos.  I know the common cultural perception is that pickles are the order of the day, but this is definitively NOT the case.  Cheetos rule.  And have I mentioned macaroni and cheese?  We buy it by the case.
  2. She smells like a hound dog.  I don’t mean that in the sense of her olfactorial emanations, but the operation of her proboscis itself.  She can smell things that no one else can.  We’ll walk into a room together and she’ll pick up on a scent that won’t hit me for several more weeks.
  3. She’s assuming an altogether new shape.  This is comfortable for neither of us.  It affects her mainly in the belly and back and me mainly in the ears.
  4. We waste lots of money at Starbucks.  She gets this awful drink that’s bitter, and asks that the baristas hold any possible sweetening or additions of good taste.  And I’m not talking about coffee: she gets an unsweetened passionfruit tea.  Blecht!
  5. Sleeping is a chore.  Only the left side works, but that isn’t comfortable very often.  Can you imagine not sleeping well for 9 months?!  I can’t.
  6. Pregnancyweekly.com is our web destination of choice these days.  They tell us not only what’s going on with the baby, but also what all the cool pregnant people are doing these days.  According to pregnancyweekly.com, yoga is big these days.  So is shopping, and they just happen to give us lots of links to places we can shop online.  They also tell us that our baby is the size of a large pickle this week.  Hm, not the first comparison I would have made, but it works.
  7. When else will you buy clothes that you won’t be able to wear for more than a few months?
  8. Lisa insists she’s losing brain cells.  I say that’s a good way to start your parenting life.  First the brain cells, then the hair.

I’m sure there will be more later, but we’ll all have to hang on for that!  Until then, I have some Cheetos to buy.

Google solves another problem!

We had a pet problem today.  One of the cats (Max, no doubt) took it upon himself to urinate on our down comforter.  Bad kitty.  Then Maggie (our sweet, adorable but sometimes misguided puppy) smelled the cat urine and decided to add her own unique scent.  Now we have a pee-soaked comforter and I have a very upset wife on my hands.  What do I do?  Turn to Google, of course.

I searched for “How do I remove dog urine from a down comforter?”  I could hear sobs emanating from the back room.  The first result I clicked on was a bulletin board discussing pet urine problems. I searched within that page for the words ‘down comforter.’  The post I read was by a lady recommending a product called Just Rite, and she claimed it is made by a guy named Bill, who often answers the company’s phone himself.  I surfed on over to www.justrite.com and searched frantically down the page for a phone number.  The crying in the back room was reaching a fever pitch.  I quickly called the number, which had an Illinois prefix.  Sure enough, Bill answered after the first ring and gave me very specific advice about how to deal with dog urine on a down comforter.

A few minutes later, as I came inside from my trip to the garbage can, I explained to Lisa what Bill had told me.  Oddly, the certainty with which I found the information was comforting to her, as was my comment: “Hey, at least it’s not winter!”

Thanks, Google, and thanks Bill!

Today Show Interview about The DaVinci Code

  • Ian McKellen, on whether there should be a disclaimer at the beginning of the movie to clarify that it’s fiction: “I’ve often thought there should be a disclaimer at the beginning of the Bible. I mean, walking on water? That takes a bit of…….faith or something.”
  • My response: “Yep, Ian, that’s what makes those things supernatural. When you start by acknowledging that such things don’t naturally happen, it means they’re miracles and thus worthy of the telling.”
  • Matt Laurer: “Paul, when you got the call that you were going to be the killer albino monk, how long did it take you to say yes?” Paul Bettany: “It took about ought-point-three seconds to say yes to that. It doesn’t matter what else you have going on. You can’t turn down an offer like that.”
  • My response: “I think if I got a call asking if I want to play a killer albino monk, I’d say yes, too. Who wouldn’t? I’m looking forward to seeing the movie just to see Paul Bettany. He’s great.”